I’ve been dating a guy for four months. But I’m wondering – how long do I go before waiting to hear an “I love you” before realizing I may never get it? But how long is acceptable to stick around and wait for it before calling it quits and moving onto someone I CAN hear those words from? Three months of exclusive dating? Six months? A year? You hit the nail on the head when you say everyone is different. For various reasons, people get around to saying “I love you” on their own schedules.

I would worry less about hearing those three little words than in assessing your boyfriend’s behavior. Lots of people go around saying “I love you” left and right when they don’t demonstrate anything of the sort (I once dated a clown who told me he loved me after cheating). Some people say “I love you” just to shut you up. Other people feel things deeply and may have trouble saying “I love you” but show (genuine) love in other, more important ways.

I would much rather be with a guy who makes me laugh, makes my happiness a priority, takes my opinions seriously, and does what he says he’s going to do, than be with some person who claims to love, love, love me but continually shows up late, criticizes me, and never picks up a plate. Keep in mind, many an incident of domestic violence has ended with the perp assuring his victim, “I love you. I’ll never do it again. I’m sorry. I love you!” Ask yourself, “Am I happy with this man?”

Please don’t misunderstand me. It would be wonderful if your boyfriend makes the proclamation you long to hear, as long as his actions add up. On the other hand, I’d hate to see you dump a man who treats you well and makes you happy because he failed to cough up three syllables. If so, please continue seeing him. And even if he doesn’t say he loves you, there’s no guarantee it won’t. Base your decision to cease or continue this relationship on your boyfriend’s actions, not on his words.